Etymology: The word shag-buddy was coined in the late twentieth century by an English person somewhere in England. It is derived from the English words shag meaning sex and buddy meaning friend. Sometimes referred to as friend with benefits, f@&k buddy or lovers without commitment.

Definition: Consenting adults who meet semi-regularly for the explicit purpose of having uncommitted, pleasurable sex. (Not to be confused with the definition of marriage, which is almost exactly the same, sans the words ‘pleasurable’)?

In terms of ‘where exactly does the shag-buddy relationship fit in reference to other types of sexual encounters’, this is best illustrated using a scale of 1-4 as follows:

1 One Night Stand
2 Casual Fling
3 Shag-Buddy
4 Serious Relationship

There are two ideal-types that exist within the parameters of the shag-buddy relationship – the pure model and intellectual model. The pure shag-buddy model basically involves meeting up, shagging, and leaving. The odd conversation may be held, but topics are generally limited to organising shagging time and excited utterances and dirty-talk during sex. The intellectual shag-buddy model, which accounts for the overwhelming majority of shag-buddy relationships, allows for non-sex related topics of conversation, usually held as a relaxing, precursor to sex or idle chit chat in the after sex lazy euphoria. This model also offers scope for cooking dinner, enjoying a glass of wine and other such activities which may enhance anticipation of the sexual act. Naturally, individuals differ in their own personal interpretation of these models, and therefore the line between the two can often be blurred.

Interestingly, there also exists what is known as ‘an intellectual-shag’. This occurs when the shag-buddies engage in an extended, interesting conversation – possibly forgetting about sex all together. It is a bonus if you can shag both physically and intellectually with your shag buddy (warning – this can occasionally lead to thoughts of number 4 on the above scale).

An intellectual-shag orgasm occurs when the shag-buddies become involved in a great conversation that goes on for some time and is able to naturally and smoothly move from one subject matter to the next based on its own momentum. It never feels forced or contrived. This can be achieved repeatedly if the buddies retrace some of the subjects canvassed previously in an attempt to remember which triggers lead to one subject matter, providing a tangent to the next.

From a sociological perspective, shag buddy relationships have developed to satisfy the needs of two specific types of people within our society: those who can not hold down a stable relationship and those who do not want a steady relationship. The first category includes people who have difficulties entering into or sustaining personal relationships due to such things as relationship-commitment phobias, over-commitment to sport and/or beer, or even the fact that they still live with their parents at age 40. Unfortunately, shag buddy relationships entered into by such individuals do not usually last long due to these same reasons, although this does not have much bearing on people who are only interested in the ‘pure model’ style of shag buddy association.

The second category, where the overwhelming majority of shag-buddy relationships lie, is comprised of people who are basically too busy for a serious relationship. Work, study and family commitments mean that many people have little or no time to concentrate on maintaining a healthy, long term relationship with another person, even though they are capable of doing it and would probably like to do so at some point. The intellectual shag buddy model is prevalent within this group, with some relationships lasting many years.

Young or old, female or male, gay or straight, the shag buddy relationship allows you to get many of the benefits of a ‘real’ relationship without all the strings attached. For anyone wishing to enter a shag-buddy relationship, I highly recommend it, but remember, while it may be all about the sex and having fun, as with any other kind of relationship, always respect yourself and the other person.